Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.

What an incredibly roller coastery kind of week...  

Since coming back from my little trip last weekend, I have had a series of fortunate events that have suddenly and forcefully changed my life. I believe it has been building for quite some time now and then seemingly crecsendoed this week, erupting on Friday. I am almost finished with my degree, only two classes to go and then somehow need to figure out the dynamics of my internship and work, how in the hell is that going to work? Considering my boss can't stand it if a day is missed from work, I will get more into that in a moment.  

Let's start with Monday... I get home from work and am just exhausted. I go to bed around 9. A little after 11, I am abruptly awoken by loud vibrations eminating from my floor. My neighbors are at it again! I am too exhausted to do anything about it, can't get out of bed to call the night guy or the police. So I lie there until around 1 when I finally fall asleep. The next morning I wake up 20 minutes late for my workout, but manage to get everything done and not be late for work.  Now we are into Tuesday. Exhaustion really sets in... I don't do much except rent a movie with my daughter and go to bed fairly early. Luckily my neighbors don't interupt this time. Unfortunately, I have a hard time staying asleep and continue to wake up periodically through the night. Meanwhile, my throat is beginning to have a little scratch in it. I think nothing of it, just allergies because of the humidity in the air and all the lovely sinus drainage. Yum! But by 9 a.m. Wednesday morning, I am feeling sick as a dog. I know I am running a fever when I begin to feel the sweat gathering on my brow and and down my hairline for a few minutes and then change my direction and just as suddenly get the chills. I figure I am not doing anyone, least of all myself, any good by staying at work so I say good bye for the day. The couch and my bed become my best friend for the next day and a half. Slowly as the sun starts to set Thursday evening, I feel just a little bit better. I don't know about you, but when I start to feel better, I start to clean... I don't know why but I have always been like that. Anyway, I decide that I will go into work in the morning and see how long I can make it. LOL  

Friday I am greeted with an email from the owner's daughter, I wouldn't say it was necessarily mean, but by far not a nice email, about how one of the vp's of a company we do business with complained that I applied a payment wrong and made her look bad... long story short, I didn't make a mistake, they took discounts they were not entitled to... but before I could explain myself, she came into my office and closed the door. She had a white envelope in her hand and a sad expression on her face. That was clue enough, but it still didn't prevent me from the shock I felt when the words broke free of her mouth. The jist of it was, they were letting me go because of the mistakes I made and that they could tell that my head and heart weren't in it  anymore.  My boss had a real problem with people missing any kind of work. There have been several times when I have had to leave to care for my children and she is distant upon my return. I feel as if, almost accusing me for leaving them in a bind... except there was alway someone there to take care of the duties that had to get done everyday. And being a single mother does not afford such luxuries as having another parent to turn to when the children are sick. Anyway, I don't remember exactly what I said to her, not a whole lot helluva a lot I remember that, mainly just a little shock. I remember saying at one point, WOW, I have never been fired before. It was a very surreal moment and one that held great emotion for me. Definite blow to the ego, I must say!

Anyway, I gathered my stuff, odds and ends, little things that had accumulated in my office since my arrival a little over a year ago and took them to my car. It was a bit tough to walk back in and say goodbye to my friends, but I managed to make it through and walked out the squeaky front door for what I would imagine to be the last time.   

I could go on about the unfairness of the situation, but what I have figured out in the last 32 hours is that it isn't important. Life is not fair and what we think should happen doesn't always. What is important is that I can now move more fully in the direction I have been wanting to but have been shuffling my feet, I have procrastinated for long enough! Now I have no more excuses, I either get off the pot or get flushed down the drain, the latter just isn't an option! The more I process this, the more I see the doors opening wide and the light shining through, and I am beginning to get this little excited feeling deep down in the bottom of my belly. A little fire is slowly taking off under my behind and I have complete faith that this is exactly what needed to happen to get me going.  

So instead I would like to thank my employer's family for giving me the extra little push to get me headed down the path of my dreams! Without this, who knows how long it would have been before I would have gotten off my laurels!